Thursday, January 29, 2009

43 Reasons To Watch (Or Not To Watch) The Super Bowl

There are only three days left until Super Bowl XLIII, a fitting end to a wacky 2008 season, as the old guard Pittsburgh Steelers take on the surprising Arizona Cardinals. Whenever Super Bowl time comes up, it is really a frustrating holiday for true die hard fans of the NFL. For starters, the NFL tries its best to pander to the casual fans, who know virtually nothing about football, so they, and various other companies, can score big in TV ratings.

The die hard's are left out in the cold, forced to listen to people at Super Bowl parties make remarks like "Wow, there is a team named the Cardinals? How many Super Bowl's have they won?" Or, "I hate those Steeler uniforms; why don't they try nicer colors?" Or, "Hey! How about that commercial with Burt Reynolds and Peter Griffin from Family Guy?" It's enough to make a genuine football fan want to run out of the room screaming!

If it were up to me, a true football fan, the Super Bowl would kick off at 2:00 PM ET, not 6:45 P.M., which is when the game is scheduled to kick, after the pomp and circumstance of player introductions. The Super Bowl would be played in cold weather stadiums, like Lambeau field or Giants Stadium; and, like Major League Baseball, the Super Bowl should be played in the stadium of the team with the better record. What? Never heard of home field advantage?

Anyway, here are 43 reasons (yes, 43) to watch or not watch this year's Super Bowl.

43) It's the only half-way decent game on TV.

42) Anything is better than watching the Knicks or Nets play basketball.

41) The Super Bowl is a great excuse to skip work next day.

40) It is a great time to get together with old college friends.

39) The Cardinals are in the Super Bowl. Remember that, so don't expect a great game if the Cards' history is any indication.

38) No Janet Jackson. No Wardrobe Malfunction.

37) If it's a blowout, start flipping through the channels.

36) NBC will interrupt this game with 10 million commercials, extending a normal three hour game to four and a half hours!

35) When you are stuck watching a commercial featuring Jerry Seinfeld wrestling an 800 pound gorilla in an ad for car insurance, you know it is time to put on a movie.

34) John Madden. Take him or leave him.

33) Is there enough air in one room for blowhard's like Al Michaels, Bob Costas, Tiki Barber and Keith Olbermann? Didn't think so.

32) If you are tired listening to the commentators in number 33, there is always a mute button.

31) The fact that the Cardinals can score points like the 1999 Rams is always a good sell.

30) If you are forced to watch a game with people who can't tell the difference between a first down and a touchdown.

29) If you are watching the game with your girlfriend, or wife, then life is good.

28) No Bill Belichick! Hip Hip Hurray!

27) No Phil Simms to talk about how wonderful Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is.

26) Bruce Springsteen. Finally, the NFL gets America a halftime they can watch.
That's boss.

25) Without T.O., Tony Romo, and Jessica Simpson, this game will have no juice at all.

24) Angry Giants fans, who can't watch a Super Bowl without Big Blue.

23) Angry Jet fans, who paid for playoff and Super Bowl tickets, before Thanksgiving!

22) How many times do they have to make a e-Trade commercial with that weird baby?

21) If you love defense, then you will love watching the Steelers rip apart the Cardinals.

20) If only the winner got a Madden turkey, along with the Lombardi Trophy.

19) Al Michaels needs to retire and let someone else run the show.

18) The number of times NBC will promote each of its shows like Heroes, The Apprentice and Chuck.

17) The number of points scored by the Giants in Super Bowl XLII. Will 17 be enough to win the big game this year?

16) As long as there is a commercial with Peyton and Eli Manning, I will be happy.

15) President Obama makes an appreance and gives the trophy to the Super Bowl winner. That would be interesting.

14) The number of letters in Ben Roethlisberger's last name.

13) If Manny Ramirez should sign with a new team, will NBC break the news? Or, should I flip to ESPN real fast?

12) I hate all these commercials, where is the @%$#%#^#ing game.

11) At least the Super Bowl gives you something to talk about at the water cooler on Monday.

10) Number of letters in Larry Fitzgerald's last name.

9) Brett Favre calls Peter King live at halftime and tells the world he will retire now but will un-retire on July 31 so he can play for the Vikings.

8) You can eat all the pizza, chips and other garbage you want.

7) If it's 42-10 in the third quarter, end the party. It's been a fun night anyway.

6) Number of championships that the Steelers are shooting for.

5) I want to feel hip.

4) Similar to what he did during the 2007 World Series, Alex Rodriguez will call executives at NBC to annoucne that he is marrying Madonna and will leave the Yankees to practice professional dancing.

3) 24 is on Monday; LOST is on Wednesday; Deal or No Deal is on Thursday. There is nothing else on on Sunday night, so watch a little bit of the Super Bowl.

2) After this game, there is no more football until August.

1) After the Super Bowl, there are only 13 days until pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training!

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